ham sandwich

Oh, my God, the things a bloke goes through for a decent sandwich around here. It is ridiculous. All I wanted today is a simple sandwich. Situation: no bread, no sandwich spread.

Yes, I can have deli sandwiches. Yes, there is a Subway® sandwich shop nearby as well as a Quiznos®, in fact, there is an Arby's® half a block away, and there is a Philadelphia style sandwich shop directly across the street. I have had all of those things and more, and frankly, they are gross compared to what I can do for myself and they are all very poor substitutions for the simple good thing that I crave. 

The last time I had a Subway sandwich I sat there thinking, "My, this is really great tasting bread. It sure would be would be hard to beat this." Then within hours the gas set in. It was so obnoxious I could not believe it. Popcorn type gas. I nearly blew out the windows of the car. I was certain other motorists could tell something was going on. It went on for hours and it would not stop. It was terribly embarrassing. A friend called to go out and I demurred. "How come?" He asked. I told him I could not be around polite people. He urged me to join the group anyway and with a good deal of insistence, but they are the type to never let me live a thing like that down. 

A friend of mine and I went to the Philadelphia style place across the street one fine summer day. It was the greasiest sandwich I ever ate, but I ate it without complaining. Never went back. What a disappointment. So much potential, and all for naught. 

Step 1: Make bread

Step 2: Make sandwich spread

Step 3: Assemble sandwich

Step 1

A:  Harvest wheat

B:  Mill wheat

C:  Capture and cultivate yeast

D: Proceed with making bread.

Living in the modern era does allow us to forgo Step 1 A through 1C. In fact, we can even skip Step 1D if we didn't care about the bread we ate or mind heading out to a boulangerie where greater care is taken and the sort of concern is shown that we show ourselves. 

Hey look! Another one of those double egg yolk things.  ↑

My in-house panel of scientists have determined this loaf of bread will take one and one half cups of liquid. The liquid can be plain water, or it can be any combination within reason  of milk, eggs, butter or oil. I have decided on two large eggs, half a stick (2 ounces) of unsalted butter, and however much milk (2%)  it takes to attain one and one half cups. So this will be a brioche, fortified type of bread, but without an actual recipe per se. All of those things inhibit the formation of gluten networking, but I do not care. I can live with that minimal gluten inhibition. All this came directly from the refrigerator so it was heated by pulses in the microwave, with  exceedingly great care not to exceed 120℉ / 50℃ or to let the eggs cook.  The temperature would be reduced by a few degrees by pouring the warmed mixture into a room-temperature bowl.  

One level teaspoon commercial yeast is whisked in, because I am in a hurry today. There will be no aging of the dough, and this bread will be poorer for having been rushed this way, but sometimes, a guy has to make compromises. 

I am aiming for 1/4 whole wheat, 3/4 AP flour. The flour is added by the 1/2 cup, first WW, then AP.  A shaggy mixture is attained. Flour is then added by the 1/4 cup. Again, first WW and then AP. The liquid did not take up the full amount of remaining AP flour that would correspond with the WW already added, so this batch will be slightly more than 1/4 whole wheat.  

Sea salt, held off until the dough was fully formed. No measuring, just judging how much salt was needed to go with that amount of dough. Sage was added simultaneously with the salt. I do not have an explanation for adding sage, it was there, it seemed like a good idea at the moment. That is all. 

The dough is too stiff. It is flattened out and dampened with tap water. The water is basically rolled up into the dough like a snake. The snake coiled. Then rolled into a snake again. The water is added this way in increments, rolling like a snake and stretching to judge the dough's elasticity and to ascertain the development of the gluten molecules, through three additional water infusions until finally the dough feels sufficiently sticky, and elastic, stretches without breaking. The question to be answered is, can it hold air bubbles, and can it expand and hold its stretch? 

This picture is included ↓ to show how the gluten strands readily form a network with adjoining strands. This is possible because there is now sufficient water in proportion and the gluten molecules are sufficiently developed to engage connections spontaneously.  See how it does? 

Generously oiled bowl.

A mere two hours proofing. This dough is being rushed. There is no chance this dough will be over-proofed. If anything, it will be placed in the oven a little bit on the young side. 

The oven and a clay cloche is pre-heated to 500℉ / 260℃. No messing around. No kids allowed. This is not a proper cloche, but rather a clay roaster intended for chicken or other clay-roasted meats.  The second photograph below ↓ shows the ribs  designed on the bottom portion intended to elevate a roast. To avoid those indentation in the bread, the cloche is inverted. The ribbed bottom will become the lid.  Clever, wot? 

This time, the work surface will not be floured. I'm tired of all that messy flour. Instead, the surface is oiled. I'd rather have an oil mess than a flour mess. 

The yeast cells were beginning to calm down. They had pretty much done what they could with their improved environment. They began to rely more heavily on diploid  division, a way for the cell to clone itself through budding moving through its environment by extending itself in this fashion. But now the dough is dumped onto the work surface bringing independent cells closer together. The dough is stretched and folded which redistributes the cells and places them in propinquity to their corresponding types enabling more energetic haploid cellular division. It is a yeast orgy in there, I tell you! At least I think that is what is happening. It's all microscopic so I do not know for sure. 

Folded in thirds. 

Folded in thirds again in the opposite direction.

Shaped up in imitation of a loaf of bread

Covered for a final and much briefer rise. 

The finally proofed dough is tenderly stretched one last time to fit into the rocket-hot cloche and then covered with an equally hot lid. The water present in the dough will form steam that is held within the cloche, an oven within an oven, long enough for the dough to expand to maximum oven-rise before it sets. This same thing can be done in a heavy casserole dish or a heavy pot with metal handles. Because the oven is so hot, the baking time is much reduced. This loaf bakes for about 25-30 minutes and then the lid is removed, the loaf returned to the oven to finish for another 10 minutes or less.  I am looking for three tones of color in the loaf; black, nearly burnt, deep dark brown, and light tan. 

Step 2, prepare sandwich spread. 

The sandwich spread will be like a mayonnaise turned into a glorified aioli. Ginger, and garlic are the chief additions. The mustard has horseradish already with it, and honey is added to sweeten. The whisk pictured below is an attachment to an immersion blender. I find this works better on lowest setting than with the usual immersion blender attachment, which does work, but it is a little too brutal for olive oil. I also added Worcestershire sauce because, eh, what the heck.