cheese crackers

Cheese crackers.

2 Cups grated cheddar cheese

1+1/2 Cups flour

1 stick of butter

1 teaspoon salt

1/4 (or so) Water, added by the tablespoon directly into the food processor.

You can sift the flour in the food processor before starting off, and you can grate the cheese in the processor too, using the disc.

Bake 12 minutes or until they turn slightly brown. at 375℉ or 400℉.

Did I mention I added habanero flakes into mine? Well I did. Grew the habaneros at my window.

So I was at the store painstakingly searching for my favorite crackers until finally I found them and triumphantly held up a box of Cheez-Its™, by Sunshine, and not those rip-off imitator Cheese Nip™ by Nabisco with "real Kraft™ cheese," and this friend of mine who was with me snapped dismissively, "Nobody likes those."

???

Wut? Excuse me.  What did you say? Are you kidding me? You jest, no? But you're so wrong. You're so so terribly wrong. Everybody LOVES Cheez-Its! You loon.  I couldn't believe what I just heard.

Well, here's how I made cheese crackers that are even better than Cheez-It crackers, if you can believe that's possible. You must hasten off now and try this immediately. You'll want to have them for your dinner. You'll wonder what's been holding you back all this time.

I used the cheese I wanted to get rid of, check that, the surplus cheese going old in my crisper, check that, the cheese I wanted to cycle out in order to make room for exciting new varieties I'm eager to try, and grated it. I ended up with over two cups. I used sharp cheddar already sliced and intended for sandwiches, (about one cup) not the best stuff by any means, Provolone, (about one cup) about mid quality, and Parmigiano Reggiano (about 1/4 cup), the best cheese in the world, but not the best brand. That was a nice touch there, the Parmigiano, it added a distinct layer of depth and cheesy goodness seldom seen in crackers. Actually, it's possible to make lacy little crackers from straight grated Parmigiano Reggiano that can be shaped into little cups or cones while they're still hot by forming them around or in a ramekin or cup or around a rolling pin, then filled with tiny salads, your favorite filing or used as salty chips with ice cream. Just dump a tablespoon of grated Parmigiano onto a Silpat baking mat or onto parchment paper, gently tap it down, and bake for 11 or so minutes at 400℉.

But here, I mixed grated combination of cheese with flour, butter and salt and finally a little water drizzled in the processor by the tablespoon, about 1/4 cup, until it began to clump. That's all. A little less flour than cheese, and enough salt, probably a teaspoon, to bring the flour out of the realm of blah. Keeping in mind, I wanted to sprinkle salt on the surface of the crackers before baking them and that Parmigiano Reggiano is already fairly salty. I lightly pressed the salt into the rolled dough then cut them into squares with the bench scraper. You can see I rolled the dough very thinly directly onto parchment paper. If you fail to dock the crackers, they'll puff like little balloons. Their edges are sealed by being cut and the moisture inside turns to steam. This is a delightful effect, but it precludes using the crackers for dip or for holding anything. Therefore, quickly dock all the crackers by poking them all with the tines of a fork right before slipping the tray into the oven.

Ta daaaaaaa.

Yay!

* does the Happy Cheese Cracker Dance (which involves twirling and snapping mouse traps like castanets) *